Artist: Mighty Mighty Bosstones

I hadn’t heard a word from you in how long
You just dropped off the face
You disappeared without a trace
And no one knew what you were up to
Or where your whereabouts were
Or if you were alive
That’s why your call to me surprised me
It came out of the blue
You told me when you would be arriving
And there was nothing I could do
I just assumed you wouldn’t stay long
And I was wrong it’s nearly near a year
And you’re still here
You gotta go, it’s time for you to leave
You’ve worn out your welcome
It’s time for you to go
I said that for a few days you could crash
At my place then I lent you
A substantial chunk of cash
Until you found employment
A job that’s not beneath you
That never happened I wish I knew
What I now do I’d be far away from
You gotta go, it’s time for you to leave
You’ve worn out your welcome
It’s time for you to go somehwere else
I’ve had it I just can’t take no more
You need to wake up
And get your drunk ass off the floor
You lost my cat and broke my TV
I can’t use my couch till well past 3
So pack your bags, there’s the door
You gotta go, it’s time for you to leave
You’ve worn out your welcome
It’s time for you to go somewhere else
You gotta go and this is not your address
You’ve worn out my patience
It’s time for you to go, somewhere else
You gotta go somewhere else
You gotta go somewhere else
You gotta go

Mighty Mighty Bosstones – Rascal King

From the album – Let’s Face It

Well he was fueled by a lack
Drew inspiration from a need
So many problems to crack
And mouths to feed
Crooked was the path
And brazen was the walk
A cocky swagger, up the ladder
And could he ever talk
The last hurrah?
Nah! I’d do it again
The Rascal King behind the bars
Or the one in front of them
The love of God
And constant contradictions
With just a smile, wink or nod
What’s stranger fact or fiction?
And never ceasing to amaze
On a regular basis
First hand into his pocket
Or first fist into the faces
The last hurrah?
Nah! I’d do it again
The Rascal King behind the bars
Or the one in front of them
A legendary character
When?
Only then
Where?
Only there
A hero or a hooligan?
Well, that part’s never clear
Pride or shame, it’s all the same
Who’s innocent or who’s to blame?
Politics or just a game?
Well in the end they knew his name
The last hurrah? Nah!I’d do it again
The Rascal King behind the bars
Or the one in front of them

You’ve got to love the guy who does nothing but dance for these guys. In this video he is the “Conductor” of the band.

See, I’m not the only one who thinks this is a good pistol.  Now I just need to figure out how to get this one on my permit…

Mr. Garrison, South Park (1st Season)

At the beginning of the sermon he got nervous and took a drink… a couple of times. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

When he returned to his office Monday morning he found a note tacked to the door. It read:

Sip the vodka, do not gulp.

There are 10, commandments not 12.

There are 12, deciples not 10.

Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late JC.

The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

When Goliath was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.

We to not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”

When Jesus broke the bread at the supper he said “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “Eat me.”

The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry.”

The recommended grace before a meal is not “Rub-a-dub-dub thanks for the grub, yay God!

Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

I’m sorry if any of that has offended you (…well, not really. You need to develop a sense of humor), believe it or not I really am a Catholic.

Hmmm, Gandhi… wasn’t he a pacifist?  Maybe Heinlein was right when he said “An armed society is a polite society.”

Couldn’t have said it any better.

HOW TO SIMULATE LIFE IN THE NAVY

1. Buy a dumpster, paint it gray and live in it for 6 months straight.

2. Run all of the piping and wires inside your house on the outside of the walls.

3. Pump 10 inches of nasty, crappy water into your basement, and then pump it out, clean up, and paint the basement “deck gray.”

4. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go the scummiest part of town, find the most run down, trashy bar you can, pay $10 per beer until you’re hammered, then walk home in the freezing cold.

5. Perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawnmower.

6. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays turn your water temperature up to 200 degrees, then on Tuesday and Thursday turn it down to 10 degrees. On Saturdays and Sundays declare to your entire family that they used too much water during the week, so all showering is secured.

7. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling.

8. Have your next door neighbor come over each day at 5am, and blow a whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it and shout “Reveille, Reveille, all hands heave out and trice up”.

9. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she’s going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in the back yard at 6am and read it to you.

10. Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for three days straight, then lock yourself out of the bathroom for 12 hours, and hang a sign on the door that reads “Secured – contact OA division at X-3053.”

11. Submit a request form to your father-in-law, asking if it’s ok for you to leave your house before 3pm.

12. Invite 200 of your not-so-close friends to come over, and then board up all the windows and doors to your house for 6 months. After the 6 months is up, take down the boards, wave at your friends and family through the front window of your home…you can’t leave until the next day, you have duty.

13. Shower with above-mentioned friends.

14. Make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your home (i.e. Dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc.).

15. Walk around your truck for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15 minutes.

16. Get up at 4 A.M., sit in your truck, start it and let it run for 4 hours before going anywhere. This is to ensure your engine is properly “lighted off.”

17. Empty all the garbage bins in your house, and sweep your driveway 3 times a day, whether they need it or not. (“Now sweepers, start your brooms, clean sweep down fore and aft, and empty all trashcans over the fantail!”)

18. Repaint your entire house once a month.

19. Cook all of your food blindfolded, groping for any spice and seasoning you can get your hands on.

20. Use eighteen scoops of budget coffee grounds per pot, and allow each pot to sit 5 hours before drinking.

21. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item.

22. Spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your TV, but only watch CNN and the Weather Channel.

23. Avoid watching TV with the exception of movies which are played in the middle of the night. Have the family vote on which movie to watch, and then show a different one.

24. Have your 5-year-old cousin give you a haircut with goat shears.

25. Sew back pockets to the front of your pants.

26. Spend 2 weeks in the red-light districts of Europe, and call it “world travel.”

27. Attempt to spend 5 years working at McDonalds, and NOT get promoted.

28. Ensure that any promotions you do get are from stepping on the dead bodies of your co-workers.

29. Needle gun the aluminum siding on your house after your neighbors have gone to bed.

30. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone, and shout at the top of your lungs that your home is under attack, and order them to man their battle stations. (“General quarters, general quarters, all hands man your battle stations”)

31. Make your family menu a week ahead of time, and do so without checking the pantry and refrigerator.

32. Post a menu on the refrigerator door informing your family that you are having steak for dinner. Then, make them wait in line for at least an hour, when they finally get to the kitchen, tell them that you are out of steak, but you have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they don’t pay attention to the menu any more, so they just ask for hotdogs.

33. When baking a cake, prop up one side of the pan while it is in the oven. Spread icing on real thick to level it off.

34. In the middle of January, place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have your family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4-hour intervals.

35. Lock yourself and your family in your house for 6 weeks. Then tell them that at the end of the 6th week you’re going to take them to Disneyland for “weekend liberty.” When the end of the 6th week rolls around, inform them that Disneyland And that it will be another week before they can leave the house, has been canceled due to the fact that they need to get ready for Engineering-certification.

36. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Have your wife whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you go to sleep. She should then shine a flashlight in your eyes and mumble “Sorry, wrong rack.”

37. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub, move the shower head to chest level. When you take showers, make sure you shut off the water while you soap down.

38. When there is a thunderstorm in your area, find a wobbly rocking chair and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseated. Have a supply of stale crackers in your shirt pocket.

39. Put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high.

40. For ex-engineering types: leave the lawn mower running in your living room eight hours a day.

41. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.

42. Once a week, blow compressed air up your chimney, making sure the wind carries the soot onto your neighbor’s house. Ignore his complaints.

43. Every other month buy green or red marine primer and put it in a paint sprayer. Spray it over the roof of your house onto your neighbor’s car. Ignore his complaints.

44. Lock-wire the lug nuts on your truck.

45. Buy a trash compactor, but use it only once a week. Store the garbage on the other side of your bathtub.

46. Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread.

47. Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night, jump up and get dressed as fast as you can making sure you button up the top button on your shirt, stuff you pants into your socks. Run out into the backyard and uncoil the garden hose.

48. Once a month, take every major appliance apart and put them back together again.

49. Install a fluorescent lamp under the coffee table, and then get under it and read books.

50. Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills of your front and back doors so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through one of them.

51. Every so often, throw a cat in the pool and shout “Man overboard, starboard side!”

52. Run into the house and sweep all the pots and dishes off the counter. Yell at the wife and kids for not having the kitchen “stowed for sea.”

53. Put on the headphones from your stereo set, but don’t plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck with string. Go stand in front of your stove. Say… to no one in particular “Stove manned and ready.” Stand there for three or four hours. And say, again to no one in particular, “stove secured” Roll up your headphones and paper cup and place them in a box.

So, if you have correctly followed the above directions you have a VAGUE idea of some of the things sailors go through on a daily basis…

There is a picture in there of the most perfect (I wonder if something can be most, more or less perfect?  Once something is deemed as perfect isn’t that pretty much the end of the line?  Anyway…) boat I have ever seen.  A twin mast sailboat.  There you go Bro, that is the boat, or one very much like it, that we can take around the world someday.